Call Your Name
by Safaia
Summary: Inuyasha is all mixed up inside. He is fighting his love for Kikyo and the feelings he is beginning to develop for Kagome.


Call Your Name

  


_You who suddenly broke into a run_

_under the happy blue sky_

_You who had a heart-to-heart talk from a friend_

_on a rainy day_

_You who had to let the cat you raised die_

_You who knows the end of life_

_You are me_

_I am you_

  


I never had a place. While humans, no matter what they look like or believe, will always have a place, other humans to fall back on, I never had any such support. I was always an outsider. They still have the same body, the same soul, so they always have that common ground. They know that no matter what, they are human, and nothing can change that. They have a place, a place where they belong. The goes the same for demons. Yes, they are all different in appearance, but it is the same type of energy. I know; I can feel it. It gives them something to fall back on (despite the fact that 99% of them don't, but that's not the point). It still gives them a place. I never knew that there were other half demons as a child. I never understood why the other human children would run away from me in fear. How could a child understand that? I was just me...I didn't know any better. My mother tried so hard...to make things better for me...

  


But I won't say she failed. She did the best she could and that's all. Things were hard, so I put on this tough guy act to fool everyone into fearing me instead of liking me. I thought that if they feared me, maybe they would respect me and my mother, who received abuse for having me in the first place. "How dare she keep a demon child in this village?" they would say when they thought I wasn't listening. Oh, I heard them. I heard every little whisper that they tried to hide from me. I knew, but I wouldn't let them see that it hurt me. That would make me vulnerable. I won't let myself become vulnerable.

  


At least...not again.

  


_You who looked at the sea_

_and suddenly got aggressive and shouted._

_You who believes in an unseen promise_

_and single-mindedly continues on your journey._

_You who grumbles you have bad luck_

_You who worries that something's wrong_

_You are me_

_I am you_

  


I can remember watching Kikyo from afar. She fascinated me. It was as simple as that. I would often wonder if she knew I was there, and why this priestess did not turn and kill me. I could feel her energy; it was amazingly powerful. It was like nothing I had ever seen or felt before. I remember when we would meet, and I would just watch her the entire time. I can remember when we first started to talk. She really was a great person to me. For the first time in my life someone talked to me and didn't run away. For the first time in my life...someone saw me and not my demon-self. She knew more about me than most people, and it wasn't like I shared it or anything: she just knew. Maybe that's why we got along so well. Maybe that's why I wanted to become a human, just to be with her. And maybe that's why it hurt so much when she betrayed me.

  


Then Kagome came and brought me back to this world. I hated her at first, but could you blame me? She seemed so much like Kikyo that it made it hard for me to even look at her. I wanted her to never talk to me, never look at me, and just leave as soon as possible. Then she went and broke the jewel. I couldn't believe that it was really broken. And now we had to go out and collect all of those damn shards, picking up allies along the way. Shippou, who is more of a nuisance than a help. Miroku, who is one day going to get us into serious shit with his lechery. And Sango, who will probably end up betraying us in the end. Even so, I probably respect her the most. We are kind of alike, her and I. We both try so hard to be strong, and we are destined to kill the ones we love. I guess I can relate to everyone in one way or another: Miroku tries to be positive when everyone knows he must worry like hell. Shippou: He must be really lonely now and he's just a kid. I can relate to that loneliness. I know: I've been there. Maybe they aren't just an annoyance.

  


Maybe now, I have a place where I belong. 

  


_I want to protect someone sweet_

_I want to hinder my weaker self_

_A way of saying "farewell"_

_which I've never done before..._

_A song that just falls from my lips_

_A rough stone that shines like a diamond from within me_

_You are me_

_I am you_

  


I hate Kagome so much for working her way into my heart. I hate her for bringing out the very weakness that got me killed the last time. I hate her for opening old wounds that still hurt. Yet at the same time, it makes me feel complete to know that she is with me. When she leaves, when we're apart, it feels like something is missing. We're connected somehow, her and I, and I'm not sure entirely how, but we are. I think she knows it too, why else would she come back again and again? With the way we treat each other sometimes, I'm surprised that she hasn't hurt me, physically that is, more than she has with some of the things I say. And there are times when I wonder how I haven't hurt her! She can be so annoying, constantly leaving in a fit and coming back over and over again. Why can't she just make up her mind and make a choice! A choice between this era...and her era.

  


It has to happen eventually. We can't keep up this pattern of her leaving for a week or less for school. We have a mission to do, a task, and with every shard Naraku grows stronger. I have to kill him. I have to avenge Kikyo. I need to. Kagome seems to understand that to an extent, but I really need to. It may the only way I can save her. I wonder if Kikyo even thinks about me as much as I think about her. It can be hard, looking at Kagome and wanting to see her, but only seeing a reincarnation of Kikyo. It's like she won't leave my mind even if I wanted her to. Kikyo doesn't seem to understand that I could never really hate her. She seems to think that it was all my fault. I've tried to make her see the errors in her ways, but her hatred is just too strong. Maybe I should just give up and move on, but part of me never wants to let go.

  


_When you've been pondering what's going to happen from here_

_and have fallen asleep before you even noticed_

_When what you thought wouldn't break_

_has broken all too soon._

  


Kagome and Kouga. How could she even want to be with that damn wolf?! The only reason he is even remotely powerful is because of the sacred jewel shards in his legs. Without those I could kill him easily. I could have killed him after the battle with the Birds of Paradise, but she protected him! How could she possibly have feelings for the guy that kidnapped her? How could she have feelings for the guy that put her in danger? How dare he do that to her! How dare he put her in danger! I won't stand for it. And that is that.

Why though? Why does this bother me so much? Could I be...jealous? Am I jealous of Kouga and his frank declarations of love and his willingness to fight? Jealous. Right. There is no way I am jealous of him. I just want to keep Kagome safe, nothing more and nothing less. End of story. I am not jealous. I'm not.

  


_When you want to do something bad on purpose_

  


I will protect you Kagome, you have to stay safe for me.

  


_When the sunset has entered into your heart_

  


I have to keep you hidden from those who would hurt you.

  


_You are me_

  


We're connected and I'll always be watching your back.

  


_I am you_

  


~Fin.

  


01/15/04

  


_This fiction is a lot shorter than the others mostly due to the fact that the song lyrics have pretty long sections. I wrote this in one class period in school. As always, comments are appreciated. This is the end of my songfic series. Now I get to do fics branching off of the relationships that I love. Look for a MirokuxSango fanfiction and a MirokuxInuyasha because Miroku us a pimp that gets around. _


End file.
